AP tests. Final exams. Oh what fun they are. There is literally not a better way to end a long and stressful year, than to take these long and stressful tests. Many will complain that they are too long, but to those people I say, “nay, you fool, they are not long enough.” You see, taking these tests is a past time, a hobby, a way of life. The only way of life that I know. Taking these tests is like spending time with a truly beautiful woman. When you’re in the moment, you never want it to end. Time slips away, and then it ends. When it’s over, the only emotion you feel is emptiness. Taking these tests was the best time you’ve had in your entire life, but now it’s over. You call this AP test on the phone, but it doesn’t answer. You send it Facebook messages, but it doesn’t respond. You invite it over for dinner, but it ignores your invite. Then you’re left alone, on your birthday, which was a mistake to begin with. That is why May is the best month of the year. AP exams and finals. There is nothing lovelier than to sit in a crowded, sweaty room for hours upon hours and doing nothing but filling in bubbles, with the occasional essay. “I’m only happy when I’m taking an AP test.” junior Danny Schmidt said. “I always make sure to put on enough deodorant when I take one though; one time when I was a boy, I smelled poorly and the test kicked me out of the room,” Schmidt said. Indeed these tests can be harsh and difficult. “The last time I took an AP exam, the exam told me that I was stupid,” junior Ben Tuggle said. Many other students have reported that AP and final exams have made mean remarks to them; “One of my last finals that shall remain nameless, told me that I was physically inadequate,” junior Joe Lunaburg said. If end of the year exams cans be so mean, then why do we insist on spending so much time with them, and why do we enjoy them so much? “All we want to do is love,” senior Anna Kilzer said. While being hurtful, and rude, and insensitive, and inherently evil, exams are so lovely. No man can resist the power of an end of the year exam. Its posture is too elegant, its diction is so elite. That is what makes end of the year exams so great. We love them, and love is in return. Except on our birthdays, when we’re all alone and in need of a good test. They just aren’t there.