Key Club is the last bastion of goodness and charity in a world of sorrow. In these dark times, it is an oasis of friendship in a desert of bad feelings. The members that make up Key Club have the wisdom of Confucius, the charisma of Gandhi, and the patience of Martin Luther King. And apparently they “do other things beside raking leaves.” But lets not get ahead of ourselves. What Key Club does best is rake leaves. This simple act of caring shows what Key Club is all about. What will happen if the leaves aren’t raked? Just ast Key Club Leader Paul Opheim, who says “We actually do things besides rake leaves, you know. We volunteer and stuff.” Cool, Paul, cool. Fine, I’ll tell you what will happen if the leaves don’t get raked. Chaos and anarchy. It would be like jumping into a black hole and then dividing by zero. Babies have been known to cry at the sight of leaves lying on the ground. Those deathly allergic to leaf-mold need Key Club to live. Like all clubs, Key Club has a dark and evil side that no one is allowed to ever know about. “I can’t talk about our secrets, of course,” Opheim says. One can only guess what horrible things happen when they’re not in the spotlight. That mystery is one characteristic that makes up Key Club’s undeniable sex-appeal. “What’s that?” the ever-innocent Kimberly Adams says, when asked what she thought of the club. Funny joke, Kim! A few people don’t recognize the tremendous worth of the organization. For the most part, those people are undeniably crazy and irrational. “Isn’t that like a club for people who couldn’t get into National Honor Society?” a slightly confused Christian Novy says. What does he know? Nothing! Seriously, join Key Club, it’s a great club and a good use of your time. They meet at 7:20 AM in the multipurpose room, or in Mr. Seifert’s room. At the very least, take what inspiration you can get from watching Key Club function and read to a child, or even better, rake a few leaves this Fall.