Only a brave soul puts on a singlet. In wrestling, men wear sporty unitards. When asked what such a contraption feels like, junior Marcus Coleman laughed adorably. “It’s like wearing compression shorts.” We will take his word for it. And we should- he’s an expert. This past wrestling season he started as sixth in state. “I lost three matches,” says Coleman, “one pretty early in the season, one in middle, and one in the conference meet. Two of the guys I lost to I beat later on.” And wrestling is far from his only skill.

When asked if he could do a cartwheel, Coleman proceeded to do the most angelic trick the media center has ever seen. Boys fainted, manbrarians cried, and the standing ovation caused chaos. The rest of the exclusive interview had to be taken to a secure location.

For those of us too starstruck to approach Mr. Coleman, let me give you the juicy details. He sings The Fray in the shower, does backflips like a gosh darn superhero, and has a nephew cuter than this great nation. Beautiful, he wants you to “stop stressin’” and watch Prison Break with him because you had a rough day and he thinks he’s “not a smooth dude” but we both know he’s wrong.

Though only one lucky lass can date him at a time, we all may delight in watching him rise to new heights in the future, whether on the mat, field, or wherever his dazzling smile takes him. He wants to become either a PE teacher or a police officer, and just later this year he plans on getting a tattoo on his shoulder blade. It will be of “the state of Iowa wrestling team logo” and there will be a sign up sheet for volunteers who want to hold his hand as he goes under the needle. The sheet and full details of the day can be found with Chad Zmolek. He will answer all of your questions.

So students, drop what you’re doing (finals aren’t real) and go talk to this shy stud. He will make you so happy you did.